I am not a small woman by any means of measurement. In fact,
I recall laughing hysterically while reading my medical records that identified
me as “morbidly obese.” Hey, I just thought I was fat, imagine my surprise when
I learned the medical community had a specific name for my condition other than
overweight. *Kanye Shrug* go figure! I stand about 5 feet 10 inches and weigh
over 300 pounds. Yep I said over 300 pounds. People never believe me though, I
find that amusing also. Most women won’t dare whisper their weight, and find it
disrespectful if even the nurse at their physician’s office asks. I could never
really grasp that concept; I don’t see the big deal. The ironic thing is my
weight, size, stature (you pick the adjective) has never bothered me or made me
uncomfortable. The sad almost unbearable
truth is it makes other people uncomfortable. I can’t tell you the number of
times that either of my parents or grandparents or family members or even my
previous romantic partners made a snide comment. It’s funny to me now, however
it wasn’t always. I remember fixing a plate and my grandmother standing over me
to monitor the amount of food I put on my plate. Can you imagine how devastating
that is? My mother and I are the biggest women on my mom’s side of the family,
and taking into consideration my mom recently lost a decent amount of weight,
I’m the odd man out. I stopped joining the family for Sunday dinners some time
ago, at the time it was because I felt uncomfortable, currently it’s just
because my schedule is always extremely full. I do try to make it at least once
a month though. I made the absolutely awesome mistake some time ago of having a
conversation with my ex about the physical features of women he preferred to
date. Amid the conversation he said he would never date a “big girl” unless she
was really pretty. I laughed because I
thought he was being a smartass as usual, he however did not even chuckle. I
looked down at my left hand 4th
finger and twisted the ring he proposed with, then why are you with me. His
response, well baby let’s say you’re lucky you’re really really pretty. At the
time I shrugged it off, but later after careful consideration I was hurt and
angry. It didn’t matter that I was a good woman, and catered to him, or that I ensured
our financial security and future by effectively managing our income. Noooooooo
I was really pretty so that excused what he considered to be the downfall of my
weight. When my best friend and I are out, people always have something to say.
Mind you she is a size 4, coco brown, and nearly 6 feet, this heffa needs to be
on somebody’s runway, but she’d rather ensure you have a pearly white smile as
your friendly neighborhood dentist. Anyway, she is always up in arms at these
negative comments. She goes off long before I will, it is heartwarming at times
though, she’s very protective of me. I laugh it off, but over the years I’ve
learned that people making comments about my weight genuinely offend her. Once
I did get her to see the humor in it. We do make an odd pair I explained,
outside of us both being tall what do we really have physically in common?
Maybe that’s why we get along so well, we can never borrow each other’s
clothes. LOL!
Unfortunately, this is the norm, especially as it pertains
to our children. Which brings me to the reason I wrote this blog entry. I was
having a conversation the other day with friends, and one of them stated that
her elementary school aged daughter was talked about consistently by family
members because she was the biggest child in the family. I don’t think my face
showed it, but I was floored and beyond upset and angry. This child is beautiful
both inside and out. I mean she has this pure blemish free milk chocolate skin,
gorgeous smile, and upbeat personality. Not to mention she is humble and
respectful. But none of that matters, she’s fat bottom line. And honestly, from
a fat girl’s perspective, I don’t think that baby is even fat. Not skinny, but nowhere
near fat! She is such a sensitive soul, I really fear how the ignorant comments
of other people, especially those closest to her could negatively affect her
self esteem. Luckily though, that baby has me! That’s right I’m tooting my own
horn, so don’t trip.
Outside of work, because I look like a straight up bum at
work, I am one of the flyest chics you are ever going to see. Forget the
clothes, the shoes, the hair; this is a fact for no other reason than because I
believe it! Confidence is the most valuable accessory I own. I guess I’m just
at that place of acceptance and kiss my assness in life. (Yes I said assness.)
Meaning if you don’t like it, you can kindly kiss my ass. I got forty acres and
a mule back there baby, pick an acre or your lips are quite welcome to the
mule. I just can’t be concerned with other people, because at the end of the
day we all gotta squat to take a shit.
I dated this guy about a year ago briefly, I mean very
briefly. (That’s another story for another post.) Anyway the relationship or
lack thereof, ended rather abruptly and on not so nice terms. Via text he told
me that he always respected me because unlike most I carried myself like a lady,
and commenced to calling me every combination of fat he could think of. Fat
bitch, overweight, nasty; you get the picture. I found this extremely
hilarious, before I had to call the cops (like I said another story, for
another post). Let me explain my humor: 1. He complimented me, 2. the only
thing he could find wrong with me was my weight. Boy I tell ya, people have
this thing all wrong. Newsflash folks: BEING CALLED FAT IS NO LONGER A DISS.
That’s why I don’t understand why people, are up in arms at times about my hashtag
#FATGURLFLY! Not that long ago my cousin
posted on facebook about how society is
now glorifying being fat and unhealthy with this new plus size movement. Now
you know I just had to set the record straight. This was my response “Nobody is
glorifying an unhealthy lifestyle, that is not at all what this so called
movement is about. However what it is saying though is that I am just as good,
just as pretty, and just as significant at a size 24 as I am at a size 9.
Society glorifies a size 6 and tells all little girls (and boys) that they have
to be this and that to be considered attractive. And that just ain’t the case! People measure attractiveness
by the airbrushed pictures they see in the magazines. We are bombarded with
slim and white to light or “perfect” images. But what happens when you pick up
a magazine and see a chic wearing a size 18 or Lupita Nyong’o on the cover.
Your perception of beauty just may change.”
When you reach the heart of the issue, it’s really simple.
We’ve been told for years to be this size, look this way, etc etc. Me being fat
is my rebellion! It’s not just because I like to eat, (cause Lord knows Tiny’s
potato salad is my weakness) it’s because I like these ham hock thighs, chubby
toes, and wide hips. I’m so smitten with me, the jiggle in my arms makes me
giggle and that wiggle in a sundress puts some extra pep in my step. Now me and
this tummy got some work to do, but all in all I’M FAT GURL FLY and I love
it! (LOL, don’t judge me.)
I'm Just Sayin
Niqi P.
#yepyep
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