#FATGURLFLY

I am not a small woman by any means of measurement. In fact, I recall laughing hysterically while reading my medical records that identified me as “morbidly obese.” Hey, I just thought I was fat, imagine my surprise when I learned the medical community had a specific name for my condition other than overweight. *Kanye Shrug* go figure! I stand about 5 feet 10 inches and weigh over 300 pounds. Yep I said over 300 pounds. People never believe me though, I find that amusing also. Most women won’t dare whisper their weight, and find it disrespectful if even the nurse at their physician’s office asks. I could never really grasp that concept; I don’t see the big deal. The ironic thing is my weight, size, stature (you pick the adjective) has never bothered me or made me uncomfortable.  The sad almost unbearable truth is it makes other people uncomfortable. I can’t tell you the number of times that either of my parents or grandparents or family members or even my previous romantic partners made a snide comment. It’s funny to me now, however it wasn’t always. I remember fixing a plate and my grandmother standing over me to monitor the amount of food I put on my plate. Can you imagine how devastating that is? My mother and I are the biggest women on my mom’s side of the family, and taking into consideration my mom recently lost a decent amount of weight, I’m the odd man out. I stopped joining the family for Sunday dinners some time ago, at the time it was because I felt uncomfortable, currently it’s just because my schedule is always extremely full. I do try to make it at least once a month though. I made the absolutely awesome mistake some time ago of having a conversation with my ex about the physical features of women he preferred to date. Amid the conversation he said he would never date a “big girl” unless she was really pretty.  I laughed because I thought he was being a smartass as usual, he however did not even chuckle. I looked down at my left hand  4^th finger and twisted the ring he proposed with, then why are you with me. His response, well baby let’s say you’re lucky you’re really really pretty. At the time I shrugged it off, but later after careful consideration I was hurt and angry. It didn’t matter that I was a good woman, and catered to him, or that I ensured our financial security and future by effectively managing our income. Noooooooo I was really pretty so that excused what he considered to be the downfall of my weight. When my best friend and I are out, people always have something to say. Mind you she is a size 4, coco brown, and nearly 6 feet, this heffa needs to be on somebody’s runway, but she’d rather ensure you have a pearly white smile as your friendly neighborhood dentist. Anyway, she is always up in arms at these negative comments. She goes off long before I will, it is heartwarming at times though, she’s very protective of me. I laugh it off, but over the years I’ve learned that people making comments about my weight genuinely offend her. Once I did get her to see the humor in it. We do make an odd pair I explained, outside of us both being tall what do we really have physically in common? Maybe that’s why we get along so well, we can never borrow each other’s clothes. LOL!

Unfortunately, this is the norm, especially as it pertains to our children. Which brings me to the reason I wrote this blog entry. I was having a conversation the other day with friends, and one of them stated that her elementary school aged daughter was talked about consistently by family members because she was the biggest child in the family. I don’t think my face showed it, but I was floored and beyond upset and angry. This child is beautiful both inside and out. I mean she has this pure blemish free milk chocolate skin, gorgeous smile, and upbeat personality. Not to mention she is humble and respectful. But none of that matters, she’s fat bottom line. And honestly, from a fat girl’s perspective, I don’t think that baby is even fat. Not skinny, but nowhere near fat! She is such a sensitive soul, I really fear how the ignorant comments of other people, especially those closest to her could negatively affect her self esteem. Luckily though, that baby has me! That’s right I’m tooting my own horn, so don’t trip.

Outside of work, because I look like a straight up bum at work, I am one of the flyest chics you are ever going to see. Forget the clothes, the shoes, the hair; this is a fact for no other reason than because I believe it! Confidence is the most valuable accessory I own. I guess I’m just at that place of acceptance and kiss my assness in life. (Yes I said assness.) Meaning if you don’t like it, you can kindly kiss my ass. I got forty acres and a mule back there baby, pick an acre or your lips are quite welcome to the mule. I just can’t be concerned with other people, because at the end of the day we all gotta squat to take a shit.

I dated this guy about a year ago briefly, I mean very briefly. (That’s another story for another post.) Anyway the relationship or lack thereof, ended rather abruptly and on not so nice terms. Via text he told me that he always respected me because unlike most I carried myself like a lady, and commenced to calling me every combination of fat he could think of. Fat bitch, overweight, nasty; you get the picture. I found this extremely hilarious, before I had to call the cops (like I said another story, for another post). Let me explain my humor: 1. He complimented me, 2. the only thing he could find wrong with me was my weight. Boy I tell ya, people have this thing all wrong. Newsflash folks: BEING CALLED FAT IS NO LONGER A DISS. That’s why I don’t understand why people, are up in arms at times about my hashtag #FATGURLFLY!  Not that long ago my cousin posted on facebook  about how society is now glorifying being fat and unhealthy with this new plus size movement. Now you know I just had to set the record straight. This was my response “Nobody is glorifying an unhealthy lifestyle, that is not at all what this so called movement is about. However what it is saying though is that I am just as good, just as pretty, and just as significant at a size 24 as I am at a size 9. Society glorifies a size 6 and tells all little girls (and boys) that they have to be this and that to be considered attractive.  And that just ain’t the case! People measure attractiveness by the airbrushed pictures they see in the magazines. We are bombarded with slim and white to light or “perfect” images. But what happens when you pick up a magazine and see a chic wearing a size 18 or Lupita Nyong’o on the cover. Your perception of beauty just may change.”

When you reach the heart of the issue, it’s really simple. We’ve been told for years to be this size, look this way, etc etc. Me being fat is my rebellion! It’s not just because I like to eat, (cause Lord knows Tiny’s potato salad is my weakness) it’s because I like these ham hock thighs, chubby toes, and wide hips. I’m so smitten with me, the jiggle in my arms makes me giggle and that wiggle in a sundress puts some extra pep in my step. Now me and this tummy got some work to do, but all in all I’M FAT GURL FLY and I love it!  (LOL, don’t judge me.)

 

I'm Just Sayin

Niqi P.