Resolutions

Yesterday began a new year. 2013! And people have already begun implementing their new year’s resolution. I don’t have a New Year’s resolution. Frankly I don’t believe in them, I feel their irrelevant to someone who truly wants to make life changes besides the fact that those who begin only last a few weeks to a month. Maybe, it’s the date that is significant to most. The 1^st day of the 1^st month of a brand new year provides an opportunity to reinvent a new you. It’s really kinda funny if you think about it. Every day you wake up with breath in your body is an opportunity to change. A  brand new day with brand new mercies, a brand new morning unlike any other. Why? Because it’s a day that you will never have the pleasure to revisit again in life, so why not take full advantage of being the best “you” possible? Personally I make my best most life altering decisions spur of the moment or unconsciously. Sure I put some thought into my decisions, a lot of thought actually, but rarely if ever do I make an immediate definitive decision. For example, I wanted to purchase a new car. I looked around, even visited a few car lots, narrowed down my budget, exactly what I wanted, and nearly bought two on two separate occasions. But I never did sign the paperwork. About 6-8 months later, I got a letter in the mail that my bank was doing their annual APR sale. I was at work and decided to go to the bank on my lunch break just to “see what they would say.” The assistant branch manager assisted me and after taking all my information she asked me how much I wanted. I gave her a number; she clicked about 3 buttons and said ok. I was flabbergasted, in awe, surprised, shocked, to put it mildly! Needless to say I found the car I wanted (or rather my ex found it for me) minus two amenities and under budget. My first major purchase was not only a good decision but a great financial decision, it felt really good. I didn’t go crazy, I knew what I could afford, I did the research, and made a responsible spur of the moment decision. The same thing happened when I decided to go back to school. In general conversation I said “I think I’m gonna go back to school.” A few days later I had some free time, and filled out the college application and my FAFSA. Out of the blue I decided to make a change and out of the blue I did. It was not a result of an impending date, it just happened. I would be naive to believe the same system would work for you. To each his or her own, I’m just telling you my experiences and my confusion with the importance of a specific date. As my last relationship came to an end a few months ago, I began to reevaluate my integrity system, my expectations, and wants. I began to wonder why I always felt it acceptable to ask God for more, and not abundantly thank or praise him for what I already have. Unconsciously I began to assess, reassess, and move into action. The result; every day I find a new reason to say thank Him. Just this morning, I was driving to work and a car in front of me in the opposite lane had “MERRY CHRIUTMAS” spelled out on its rear windshield. I did a double take, and began to giggle. First of all its 8 days after Christmas, and secondly the word contains no “U”. Subsequently I said “Lord, thank you for laughter.” Nothing major, it wasn’t a life altering experiences, but it made my morning drive just a little bit better. And if you put just a little mind muscle to it you can conclude that that’s all a resolution really is anyway. It’s just a decision or change that makes your life just a little bit better.

 

I'm Jus Sayin!

Niqi P.

Intimidation or Ignorance?

Recently I went to a local Dunkin Donuts for breakfast before work. Needless to say the restaurant was overcrowded with early morningers needing their daily dose of java. Surprisingly I was in no hurry as I had some time on my hands. There was a gentleman in front of me in line. He turned to view the length of the line and smiled as he realized I was in his direct line of view. I returned his smile, Good morning. Morning I replied. My phone vibrated, I checked to see if I received a text, there was none, only my daily bible verse. I scanned it quickly and redeposited the electronic device back into the contents of my handbag. When I looked up to reassess the line the gentleman was staring at me. A bit startled I recovered quickly and smiled again. Is this line even moving, I offered. Slowly he responded. I took the moment to consider his appearance; casually dressed and not necessarily unattractive. Excuse me miss. Yes? Do you work in the area? Yes, just around the corner, if this line every moves I can get to work in about two minutes. We both chuckled. The mood is very light and easy. He then initiated what I consider the run down: age, occupation, children, living situation, marital status, etc. He was 31, two children, worked for a local company, had moved back in with his parents “recently”, and was single. I’ll be honest, he replies; I think you’re very pretty. Again I smile and begin to say thank you but immediately retreat as I realize he is not finished. You are a bit intimidating but I just can’t pass you up. Ever have that feeling like you’re in an easy groove then suddenly the music stops? No longer flattered by his comment I ask, why an I intimidating? Without even a though he responds, BECAUSE YOUR WELL SPOKEN. I quickly recomposed the “wow” look that I’m sure was plastered on my face, thanked him for his compliment and gave him the wrong number when he asked for it. Needless to say I am in complete and utter shock at the ignorance of some people. Should every conversation begin with, ay yo wassup? Should I be referred to or respond to shawty? I am at a loss? When did proper English and pronunciation of the English language become intimidating? Do to my profession and home training I am accustomed to speaking correctly. Among friends: yea, huh, whateva, and hell run rampant as there is no concern for vocabulary after all your inner circle should be well aware of your limitations and first impressions have long ago been dismissed as trivial. I will admit more than likely I would not have given the gentleman my contact information (simply due to his living situation and number of children, which is another discussion for another time. However, any inclination I may have had to allow any further communication was completely negated after his second comment, after all up until that point the entire exchange had been quite pleasurable. Seriously, how effective could a future be (as friends, lovers, etc.) if I am intimidating? Should I “dummy down” to protect your manhood or male ego? When did being able to clearly understand a person’s words become an issue? There is no room for miscommunication because I ensure you clearly hear what is being said. Whether or not an individual can comprehend my statements is another issue all together. Now to some this may seem like a rant and I concur it very well may be, however the issue of ignorance cannot be disputed!

I’m Jus Sayin

Niqi P.

Is Monogamy Necessary?

With terms like “down for whatever,” “just kickin it,” “no strings attached,” “bust it baby,” “friend with benefits,” and “cut friend” running rampant in urban vocabulary it leads me to wonder if monogamy is still a necessary characteristic of a relationship? Obviously monogamy is most commonly related to a committed relationship, however, given the recent uprising in “friends” is commitment even a present day term? Sadly, I think not! Any and everybody seems to be having sex with any and everybody. The physical encounter is a hot commodity that unfortunately is to easy to come by. Most such relationships usually begin as strictly platonic friendships. The parties involved often share mutual interests and mindsets (i.e. sports, music, art, religion, etc.).Most enjoy each other’s company therefore conversation flows easily and many begin to share intimate time early on. They find a comfortable routine and the physical attraction closely ensues. Soon after, one party sexually pursues the other or in some situations the pursuit is mutual. Hence begins the “friends with benefits.” Friendship is the basis of the relationship; add halfway decent sex and you’ve got a helluva dangerous combination. More likely than not one part usually the female will become emotionally attached and invested in her counterpart. Think about it, all the components of a great “committed relationship” are present. All except the commitment. Why wouldn’t one want to pursue such a great situation? For the counterpart on the other hand having all the perks of a girlfriend without the obligations or title is simply perfect. They still have the freedom to do as or who they please while having the security of a commitment. On the other hand, some people walk into situations with the expressed intent of physicality with no expectations outside of a great mutual climax. I too have been victim to both the fore mentioned. But honestly, at some point your wants and expectations of people and life change. Not to mention the risk of STD’s and pregnancy incase of the inevitable slip up. No strings attached were fine when my only concern was having a good time. Nevertheless I grew beyond my infancy as it relates to the domestic relationship. Regardless of how good a romp a partner provided it was never satisfying. I began to yearn for more. My relationships lacked intimacy. Leaving his house at 3am was no longer cute or fun. After such a session, I wanted to be engulfed by warm arms. I wanted that 8am phone call to make sure I made it to work ok. Once these realizations set in, I changed my requirements for “adult activities” and I was completely appalled at the number of happily unqualified applicants. Therefore it only makes sense to raise the question; with so many other “options” is monogamy necessary or rather does it even still exist? I think the old folks put it best, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”

I'm Jus Sayin!
Niqi P.

Ms. Independant......

Over the past few years there has been a surprising epidemic uprising of Ms. Independent. First it was Destiny's Child, then Webbie, now Jaime and Ne-Yo. This new mentality has for lack of a better word boggled me. What exactly is independent? Dictionary.com defines independent as "not dependent on anything else for function, validity, etc; not reliant on the support, especially financial support, of others." After researching the clinical definition I had to revisit and reevaluate the way we use the word in the black community as it refers to the black woman. Most women rep the independent badge when they have their own (job, car, home, etc.) and they take care of their own (family, children, etc.) without the financial assistance of a man. Now maybe I'm mistaken but isn't this a bit boastful? Please do not misunderstand my meaning here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a self sufficient member of society. But should we then in turn advertise our accomplishments to the point where it becomes obnoxious and aggravating? Every other sentence should not contain a memo list of the material possessions you have obtained or your employer's name and address. Somewhere along the way our perspective has become blurred. Women unfortunately have been forced into an unwanted situation and have embraced its challenges. Times have changed and regrettably have gone from one extreme to the next. Forty or fifty years ago women were confined to working inside the home. We were titled as domestic because we cared for our children, washed clothes, cleaned house, and served our husbands at dinner time. Present day, most black households are single parent and run by mom. She works both inside and outside of the home. She brings home the bacon and fries it up too. Now maybe I'm a bit confused, but when did this become acceptable in our community? When is it okay for a woman to do it all, all by herself? And the flipside is do we really? The last time I checked you still needed a man to make a baby. I still call Mr. Fix-It to hang a heavy mirror in my home, or call my daddy before I purchase a major appliance. I take my car to get serviced and when I look behind the counter it appears that only men are working. Whether we claim him as ours or not, I assure you there is a man present in the life of every so called independent woman. So are you really independent? I'm not! There are certain things that have to be done that I just can't do; and there are others things that need to be handled that I simply don't want to do. I think I'll tweak the phrase a little as it refers to me: I'm Semi-Independent!

I'm Just Sayin!
Niqi P.