Monday, October 28, 2013

Day 26

Day 26 October 29th

Name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why.

I can't say their is one particular song. Really just anything I hear that allows me to visualize an emotional memory. It has to be something very strong in lyrics, and tendor. Now that I think about, there is one song that takes me there every time. Its a praise and worship song,  I can't remember the name right now, but it was written and performed by a gospel indie artist.  It evokes the most sincere praise from me. Its so simply, but powerful!  The song reminds me I serve an awesome, all knowing, all powerful,  and living God. I am in awe at times of how He blesses me inspite of me. People are so judgmental sometimes,  and fear what they don't understand. They'd rather label you then take the time understand your pov. I don't let those people bother me though, I keep right on crying and praising. I have to remind myself sometimes though, "they don't know my story, so they won't understand my praise!"

Day 25

Day 25 October 28th

Describe a moment when you “paid it forward.” What happened and how did it feel?

I paid for the breakfast of the car behind me at dunkin donuts. I hope it made their day, because I felt good about it.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Day 24

Day 24 October 27th

 If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

The Thanksgiving after my uncle's  funeral. I would have made a different "introduction."

Day 23

Day 23   October 26th

Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!)

Pretty much anytime they say "But, Niqi your single and you don't have no kids!" That pisses me off!!! No, I don't have any children. And yes, I am single. the point of that statement would be what exactly? I STILL HAVE RESPONSIBILITIES!!!! I STILL GOT BILLS!!!!

Day 22

Day 22   October 25th

What fictional character in a movie, tv show, or book do you identify with and why?

I'm sure I can identify with other characters, but the one that comes to mind is Jill Scott in "Why did I get married too?" She's been through a lot in her past, and has become a confident, strong, and influential person. The character is outspoken yet vulnerable, and still struggles from time to time with finding a happy medium/balance.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Day 21

Day 21 October 24th

How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

Combine Tionna Smalls, Jill Scott, sprinkle in a little Tami Roman, and boom “Here I is!” Not to mention I’m FAT GURL FLY! Who doesn’t love a cute fattie that can: hug you like momma, support you like a best friend, crack jokes betta than a drunk uncle, converse with the ivy league, set a table better than the butler, cook like grandma, "rock the boat" better than aaliyah and pinky, and hold a brotha down in the process of making major moves?

Oxygen

Day 20

Day 20 October 23rd

Describe your most difficult break up and what you learned from it.

Definitely the break up between my ex-fiancé and I. We were deeply connected, and imbedded in one another’s lives and I was in love. Ending any relationship that involved is beyond difficult. It is a life altering experience. I went through every emotion known to man. I think the thing that was most difficult to grasp was that I lost my best friend. The only person who literaly knew me inside and out was now gone. That hurt! We even did the on and off thing for a while. Eventually, I just got to a point where I couldn’t do it any more, the internal turmoil was too much. We remained friends and talked regularly for about a year, after that the friendship just diminished. I was dating again and he had moved his now wife and her children into his home. There was really nothing left to discuss at that point. If we see each other I think we would have a general and cordial conversation. (Hi, how are you? Have a good day.) So I think we parted ways amicably. I have no ill feelings, and I wish him well, I’d even confidently venture to say the feeling is mutual.

I learned me! I can honestly say I met ME for the first time after that experience. That relationship opened my eyes to my flaws, my attitude, and how difficult I can be to deal with at times. I know now, what I’m willing to accept from my partner, what I won’t, and the art of compromise! Beyond that I learned when to talk and how much is appropriate to say at a given time. Lol, truth be told I learned how to be seen and not heard, as the old people say. The push and pull of any relationship is a difficult line not to cross, but when you know your partner things become that much easier. I take the time to learn my partner, his likes, dislikes, mannerisms, facial expressions, favorite foods, childhood memories, bad dreams, and even how he likes his shirt ironed. An experience like that will cultivate and improve you, if you allow it too. Luckily I did!

 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Day 19

Day 19 October 22nd  

What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

            I like being quiet. I know that’s a shocker. LOL! I’d much rather listen in most cases and I find a hidden corner in the back of a crowded room the most comfortable.

Monday, October 21, 2013

Day 18

Day 18 October 21st

1.)    If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?
 
Lawd a mercy. What wouldn’t I say? LOL! Names have been removed, because although honest and outspoken, i aint rachet!
 
1.      Do not pass go, GO STRAIGHT TO COLLEGE AND FINISH! Take advantage of the small things the school has to offer that other people over look.
2.      Get your passport ASAP! GO ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE!
3.      Don’t be afraid of failure. Failure and death are the only sure things in life, if you never fail you haven’t done something right! Just keep trying until it happens.
4.      Pray more, and let God lead you.
5.      It’s ok to physically distance yourself a little from your family. You don’t need a crutch just in case you break a bone. You need a support system and you know you already have that in all of them.
6.      Enjoy Tremaine! You guys will have a great relationship, and no matter how it ends, cherish the lesson and move on. (Ok so we didn’t get married big deal. I wouldn’t tell the teenage me that though because I know I wouldn’t venture into the relationship.)
7.      Bypass two assholes! I know you’ll get lonely BUT they are not worth the trouble or aftermath.
8.      Yea, the “cut friend” phenom really ain’t you!
9.      That chick ain’t your friend. Leave her were you found her!
10.  Have fun, don’t take life so seriously. Everybody isn’t meant to be around for a lifetime, some people and places are just for the moment. So take advantage of the moment, you’ll never get another opportunity to re-live it.
11.  Write more often! Write anything, and don’t be so judgmental of what you put on paper.
12.  SHUT THE HELL UP! Yes, I said it! Keep your business your business. Privacy is the best policy. Keeps a lot of ish down.
13.  Some things are inevitable, just roll with the punches and bob and weave the best you can.

Day 17

Day 17 October 20th

1.)    What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

Let me revert back to my answer on Day 8. “Five things that are the most important to you in a future mate.” Number 1 on my list was Christian!

“Christian – Hands down no questions asked! If we can’t pray together, we can’t lay together. It’s extremely important to me that my mate be spiritually grounded. I believe my husband should and will be the head of my household, so if he has no relationship with God I have to wonder who is leading him. I can’t entrust my life or that of my children to a man who can be easily consumed by society. I need him to be strong enough to stand alone when necessary, and I speak from experience when I tell you that can only happen with faith.”

I cannot entertain a romantic relationship with someone who does not have a relationship with God. I’m not super-duper spiritual, stuck on denominations, or the rules of religion. However, I do have a strong faith and belief system, upon which I rely heavily. Relationships are hard enough as it is. Two different people, from two totally different backgrounds and up bringing’s,  with different points of view and interests coming together to become one is a recipe for disaster without a solid foundation. I can, have, and will compromise on a lot but my partner’s faith is not an option.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Day 16

Day 16 October 19th

If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?

That's easy!
  • Plenty of books and loose pages of poems, short stories, and unfinished undefined pieces of writing.
  • Music
  • My passport
  • A few recipes
  • A family photo

Day 15

Day 15 October18th

 Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

Ok so yea, ummm........ not gonna happen. I'm one of those rare people that just don't give a damn! At the end of the day why the relationship ended, is irrelevant. Unless there was some sort of miscommunication, all that matters is that the relationships is over. I wont say sometimes I would'nt still wonder about what happened, but the thoughts are always fleeting in nature. Truth is, I get over it. I've been hurt by so-called friends, taken advantage of, and just simply outgrown people and situations. The why's and how's are unimportant, only the  "is" holds weight. So why worry about the coulda, shoulda, woulda's? That's not what I live for! I'd much rather focus on the people in my life who have proven themselves worthy of my time and attention.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Day 14

Day 14 October 17th

                 1. Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful

                  I'd been having a rough time. I was having a major "life drought" and for whatever reason I just couldn't shake it. About a week after my "breakdown" if you will, I was just happy, and for no reason. I woke up that morning and everything was ok. Not like "oh things will get better ok" but like "my life is good" ok.
                    



Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Day 13

Day 13 October 16th

1.  Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

So the last person I text was my sister, Rasheeda. Ironically enough I met her the day she was born, seeing as though I'm the oldest. We have our ups and downs, sometimes I wanna whup her ass, sometimes I wanna be the shoulder she needs to cry on. I crack jokes and talk about her, but i wont let anybody else say anything negative about her. Then I'd have to whup their ass! I guess that's what siblings do! I think ours may be a little more strained than the typical sisterhood, but we love each other  and that's all that really matters anyway!

Don't judge my grammar to harshly,  I typed this on my phone....lol

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Day 12

Day 12 October 15

Your proudest accomplishment

My biggest accomplishment to date, is by far self acceptance. Simply put I LOVE ME! From the soles of my feet to the top of my head, flaws and all, I'm just an all around awesome chic. Not to metion FAT GURL FLY!

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Day 11

Day 11 October 14th

Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

The one that comes to mind happened a few years ago. The guy was supposed to meet me, but I ended up having to pick him up, which is a whole other issue in itself. Anyway the short version is; over the course of dinner I'm informed he's living with a woman and her 4 kids. Coincidentally enough, they are not in a relationship and none of the children are his, yea right! And that concludes my horror of a date story.

Day 10


Day 10 October 13th

Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you.
Top of FoBott

Niquita \n(i)-qui-ta\ as a girl's name is a variant of Nikita (Greek), and the meaning of Niquita is "unconquered".

So for those that don't know my government name is Niquita (pronounced Nikita). The male version Nikita, is Slavic with some Irish roots; however the female version is spelled with a "q" and is African. I found that little tidbit of information hilarious considering how I got my name. My dad already had a son, 10 years my senior, when my mom was pregnant with me. I was the 1st girl and my dad wanted to name me, mommy agreed. Fast forward a few months, daddy still didn't have a name and I can only assume that my mom was getting a little agitated. My father is/was a huge wrestling fan, and ironically enough I'm named after a wrestler. Now if that ain't some mess right there. Daddy was watching WWF on TV and they announced a popular wrestler, Nikita Koloff. He told mommy my name was going to be Nikita, and she loved it. She said it was unique, but didn't want to spell it "Nikita". So mom, with her intelligent college educated self, eats a Chiquita banana and gets a bright idea. Take the CH off; add an N, and viola. There you have it, Niquita!

I died of embarrassment when I found out the history behind my name; my damned parents jacked me up for life. I laugh at it now though, because my mom was right, my name is extremely unique and so fitting. I researched my name intensively a few years ago. I wanted to make sure my parents didn't curse me with some foolishness. I was pleasantly surprised though by its meaning, "unconquered." How powerful is that? I'm extremely opinionated, open-minded, and resilient. My life hasn't been easy, but every time I fall down, I get back up! I've survived failed relationships, financial hardships, depression, mental breakdowns, loss of friendships, diminished capacity; you name it and I more than likely have a story for it. God has blessed me beyond measure. I am a living breathing miracle. I am a testament to perseverance and fortitude. So even though the story behind my name is quite humorous, I can’t deny mommy and daddy did something right all those years ago. And I'll continue to prove them right by living "unconquered!"

 

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Day 9

Day 9 October 12th

Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do (For example, I sometimes dance around the house with my cat to Frank Sinatra)

        1. The first thing I do when I walk in the door from work is take off my shoes and bra. I gotta let the girls breath! LOL! Outside of that, I don't have any really crazy or weird "home alone" habits.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Day 8

Day 8 October 11th

Five things that are the most important to you in a future mate.

1.)    Christian – Hands down no questions asked! If we can’t pray together, we can’t lay together. It’s extremely important to me that my mate be spiritually grounded. I believe my husband should and will be the head of my household, so if he has no relationship with God I have to wonder who is leading him. I can’t entrust my life or that of my children to a man who can be easily consumed by society. I need him to be strong enough to stand alone when necessary, and I speak from experience when I tell you that can only happen with faith.

2.)    Provider - Can we keep it all the way real? No woman wants a broke man! Period! My mate should be willing and able to provide for me and any offspring. I refuse to be concerned about SCEG cutting off the lights, or the mortgage being behind 2 months and counting. My well being is his responsibility and he is supposed to take care of all of his responsibilities. Now don’t get it twisted, there are exceptions to every rule.  I never said I won’t pay any bills, etc. I as his wife, hold the title as helpmate. Which means “I HELP MY MATE.” If his income reduces, or something comes up, I have no issue stepping in and picking up the slack, but I will not be carrying the weight.

3.)    Security – I absolutely have to feel safe and secure. My mate has to be my superman. We’re going to the neighborhood Halloween party as superman and Lois Lane, cape and all. LOL! If some ish (yes I meant to say that) hit the fan, my man will be the one to stand in front of me or push me out of the way. Now me with my crazy self, I’d be right beside him trying to throw the first blow talking about “baby I got you!” LOL! In all seriousness though, I expect for him to be watchful and mindful of me in all situations. Call me to make sure I made it to work safely if it was raining when I left home for work, walk on the outside of me if we are walking down the street, and me keep me close in a crowd.

4.)    Gentleman – You gotta treat me right! That means opening doors, pulling out chairs, being affectionate, shower me with compliments, chivalrous, spending quality time, taking out the trash, taking me on REAL DATES, great conversation, respectful etc. I expect for my mate to treat me like the lady I am and be proud to have me on his arm. Don’t be too much of a gentleman though. For example, it’s ok to smack my butt as I walk through the door your currently holding open for me. IJS, don’t judge me!

5.)    Attractive – Please give me something to look at. Lawd a mercy! There has to be something about him that makes me weak. For example, the ex I was talking about in a previous post was not attractive. He looked like a straight up ninja turtle. I mean Raphael, Michelangelo, and Donatello! Ya’ll think I’m playing, but I am soooooo serious. He hated when I called him Donnie. BUT he could dress his chocolate but off, and he always smelled good. I’ll faint for a good smelling man, you hear me? You couldn’t tell me he wasn’t the sexiest thing walking God’s green earth. He had these awesomely broad shoulders, and could wear a suit. Hmmmmm, amen! In the mighty name of Jesus. I would just stare at him sometimes, and jump his bones every chance I got. And if the opportunity to “molest” him didn’t present itself fast enough, I would create an opportunity!

6.)    Outgoing//Adventurous – I know it was only supposed to be 5, but this is an absolute must. I like to get up and go! I stay on the move, and I need a partner who is willing to move with me. Concert, bar, restaurant, festival, road trip, stage play, basketball game, or traveling from Vegas to Europe, to the islands. New experiences and a mate willing to share them are a necessity in my life! Did I fail to mention spontaneous and open-minded? My bad. I like to “try” new things in new places too, so you gotta be down for that. You’re grown, read between the lines of that last sentence.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Day 7


Day 7 October 10th

1.)    Where are you in life vs. where you thought you would be at this point?

I thought I’d be married with at least one child, a college degree, and a homeowner. Instead I’m single, no kids, a townhome, and 2 years away from my Bachelors. That’s a helluva difference when you see it written in black and white. Though I can’t say it bothers me much. 5 years ago I was engaged to great guy and we made all kinds of plans together, unfortunately that relationship didn’t pan out the way either of us would have liked. But you live and you learn, life happens. I’ve adjusted well and set new goals for myself. I’m working on being the best me I can be. I intentionally surround myself with: spiritually grounded, well rounded, articulate, intelligent, and driven individuals who help cultivate me. I’ve been blessed in my career, with longevity (8 years and counting) and the ability to control my income (for the most part). I’ve reestablished my voice on paper, performed on stages, platforms, and with established entertainers. I developed real relationships with people based on a mutual connection, interests, and respect. Not to mention, I stamp my passport on a regular basis. I’m just different. Still as crazy as ever. LOL! But, different and I like it. The metamorphosis in my journey of where I thought I’d be and where I am: I’m just fine with the me God made me, and that’s enough!

Day 6


Day 6 October 9th

1.)    Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

CHILE BOO, STOP!!!!!! If that’s the case I wouldn’t be single. I think as women we have more control of our love life. But nothing is every exactly what you want it to be. I don’t expect my love life to be perfect, and if it was “EXACTLY” what I wanted it to be, that would equate to perfection. While the fantasy is quite lovely, it’s not realistic. And more important than anything to me; I want my “love” to be mutual, real, and honest.

Day 5


Day 5 October 8th

1.)    The biggest misconception you think people have about single life.

I think most people feel like you can’t be a whole person without your other half. If that ain’t a bunch of BS. I think single people (usually in their late 20’s and older) are the most complete individuals on earth. By that age most people have had the time to cultivate who they are as individuals. In short you know who you are, and that makes you more effective as a person in any relationship and/or situation.

Day 4


Day 4 October 7th

1.)    Your biggest fear as a single person.

That’s probably the easiest for me to answer. My biggest fear by far is that I’ll never be a wife or mother. Either that or I’ll end up with an asshole!

Day 3


Day 3 October 6th

1.)    Describe a moment or day when being single was really awesome.

I had just put my ex out. He wasn’t exactly the best boyfriend anyway, so there was no sweat off my back. Any who, I remember I didn’t feel like cooking so I didn’t. I picked up something for dinner on my way home. And it felt really good, to do what I wanted, just because I wanted too, and not worry about spending excess money because this or that bill needed to be paid. After all, when you’re the only person fending for two grown folk you have to be budget conscious. Hence, why I put him out….LOL

Day 2


Day 2 October 5th

1.)    Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.       

I was  at Red Lobster recently with my best friend. It was only a week left in their all you can eat shrimp special. Don’t judge me! Anyway, there was a young couple with a baby girl. Dad carried the baby carriage and still managed to hold the door open for mom. They seemed so secure and comfortable with one another. From his stance you could tell, he loved both his ladies and was very protective of both in their respective right. His hand rested on mom’s right hip, and when a seat became available in the waiting area he stood and allowed her to sit. When they were seated a few tables away from us, dad held, fed, and burped the baby before he even touched his food. I was supremely jealous! I instantly wished I was to be so lucky as to find and be blessed with a man who was as protective, affectionate, attractive (did I forget to mention the brotha was fine?), attentive, and a great dad.

30-Day Challenge ( Day 1)


I rarely ever feel challenges relevant but my twitter friend @TheSingleWoman posted a 30-Day Blogging Challenge, so since my blog could use a bit of exercise I decided I’d give it a try. So for the next 30 days I will try my best to be open and honest in answering and elaborating my response to each of the 30 questions. I hope you’ll join me or in the very least find some sort of amusement in the craziness that is my thoughts.  I’m a few days behind, so the first post will contain a few questions and answers. A link to the challenge is listed below. Happy Blogging!

http://thesinglewoman.net/2013/10/04/the-single-womans-30-day-blogging-challenge/

Day 1 October 4th

1.)    Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are you single?”

Why do married people or people in relationships always feel it’s something wrong with you if you’re single and over the age of 25? The question alone usually comes along with some sort of unspoken condemnation. My counter reply you ask “Chile Boo, BYE!” I’m happy being exactly who I am! Now saying I’m a happy and satisfied single is stretching it just a bit. Ok, a lot! But that doesn’t mean I’m not content in my singleness, which by the way I am. I’m single by default. My infamous reply is always the same “I’m forced to be single, because I choose not to settle!” I’m one of a few in a rare breed, and the danger with women like me, is we know it. I have a lot to offer my potential mate, and I need someone who is willing and able to meet me halfway. Beyond that I’m prayerful. I’m picky as all get out, so I continually pray for discernment in choosing my mate. Let’s be real, at 27 I’m looking to be in this thing for the long haul. I’m not interested in another extensive relationship that does not end in “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”  And I know in order for that to happen I need to be patient, understanding, and quiet so I can hear God when He speaks. So even though I get lonely, and would say I do tomorrow if I could, I think its best I wait on His approval.