Is Monogamy Necessary?

With terms like “down for whatever,” “just kickin it,” “no strings attached,” “bust it baby,” “friend with benefits,” and “cut friend” running rampant in urban vocabulary it leads me to wonder if monogamy is still a necessary characteristic of a relationship? Obviously monogamy is most commonly related to a committed relationship, however, given the recent uprising in “friends” is commitment even a present day term? Sadly, I think not! Any and everybody seems to be having sex with any and everybody. The physical encounter is a hot commodity that unfortunately is to easy to come by. Most such relationships usually begin as strictly platonic friendships. The parties involved often share mutual interests and mindsets (i.e. sports, music, art, religion, etc.).Most enjoy each other’s company therefore conversation flows easily and many begin to share intimate time early on. They find a comfortable routine and the physical attraction closely ensues. Soon after, one party sexually pursues the other or in some situations the pursuit is mutual. Hence begins the “friends with benefits.” Friendship is the basis of the relationship; add halfway decent sex and you’ve got a helluva dangerous combination. More likely than not one part usually the female will become emotionally attached and invested in her counterpart. Think about it, all the components of a great “committed relationship” are present. All except the commitment. Why wouldn’t one want to pursue such a great situation? For the counterpart on the other hand having all the perks of a girlfriend without the obligations or title is simply perfect. They still have the freedom to do as or who they please while having the security of a commitment. On the other hand, some people walk into situations with the expressed intent of physicality with no expectations outside of a great mutual climax. I too have been victim to both the fore mentioned. But honestly, at some point your wants and expectations of people and life change. Not to mention the risk of STD’s and pregnancy incase of the inevitable slip up. No strings attached were fine when my only concern was having a good time. Nevertheless I grew beyond my infancy as it relates to the domestic relationship. Regardless of how good a romp a partner provided it was never satisfying. I began to yearn for more. My relationships lacked intimacy. Leaving his house at 3am was no longer cute or fun. After such a session, I wanted to be engulfed by warm arms. I wanted that 8am phone call to make sure I made it to work ok. Once these realizations set in, I changed my requirements for “adult activities” and I was completely appalled at the number of happily unqualified applicants. Therefore it only makes sense to raise the question; with so many other “options” is monogamy necessary or rather does it even still exist? I think the old folks put it best, “Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?”

I'm Jus Sayin!
Niqi P.

Ms. Independant......

Over the past few years there has been a surprising epidemic uprising of Ms. Independent. First it was Destiny's Child, then Webbie, now Jaime and Ne-Yo. This new mentality has for lack of a better word boggled me. What exactly is independent? Dictionary.com defines independent as "not dependent on anything else for function, validity, etc; not reliant on the support, especially financial support, of others." After researching the clinical definition I had to revisit and reevaluate the way we use the word in the black community as it refers to the black woman. Most women rep the independent badge when they have their own (job, car, home, etc.) and they take care of their own (family, children, etc.) without the financial assistance of a man. Now maybe I'm mistaken but isn't this a bit boastful? Please do not misunderstand my meaning here. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a self sufficient member of society. But should we then in turn advertise our accomplishments to the point where it becomes obnoxious and aggravating? Every other sentence should not contain a memo list of the material possessions you have obtained or your employer's name and address. Somewhere along the way our perspective has become blurred. Women unfortunately have been forced into an unwanted situation and have embraced its challenges. Times have changed and regrettably have gone from one extreme to the next. Forty or fifty years ago women were confined to working inside the home. We were titled as domestic because we cared for our children, washed clothes, cleaned house, and served our husbands at dinner time. Present day, most black households are single parent and run by mom. She works both inside and outside of the home. She brings home the bacon and fries it up too. Now maybe I'm a bit confused, but when did this become acceptable in our community? When is it okay for a woman to do it all, all by herself? And the flipside is do we really? The last time I checked you still needed a man to make a baby. I still call Mr. Fix-It to hang a heavy mirror in my home, or call my daddy before I purchase a major appliance. I take my car to get serviced and when I look behind the counter it appears that only men are working. Whether we claim him as ours or not, I assure you there is a man present in the life of every so called independent woman. So are you really independent? I'm not! There are certain things that have to be done that I just can't do; and there are others things that need to be handled that I simply don't want to do. I think I'll tweak the phrase a little as it refers to me: I'm Semi-Independent!

I'm Just Sayin!
Niqi P.